Can you guess the secret ingredient?

Everyone knows that I love my Mom, I love her more than life itself but the woman is a crazy cook. This past weekend we went back to Fergus for Eull spring vacation '09. It consisted of several spring break classics such as moving shit to a storage locker, painting window sills, and picking out bathroom vanities. Needless to say, it got a little crazy. While we were there though, my Mom had a few culinary delights in store for us to keep our energy up and our spirits soaring. Our first treat was tater tot hot dish. A Minnesotan staple. Pretty simple recipe I would assume. Some hamburger, vegetables of some kind, cream soup, tater tots, and then you bake the shit. I like tater tot hot dish, I like it a lot. Then I had my Mom's. When I was helping her pour the concoction into the pan I got a little on my finger. I couldn't help but lick it off because I'm a fat guy and that's what we do. To my surprise it was a little spicy, and kind of cheesy or something. That's right, you guessed it, it's queso dip. I have no idea why someone would put queso dip in tater tot hot dish but there it was. She put the mess in the oven and we waited. A few hours later we were starving and ready to eat, this is the state she likes to keep us in so we can't refuse the food put in front of us. Well, the hot dish came out like soup and tasted something like cheese wiz and baby diaper. The sad thing was I was so hungry I had a second serving. The next morning my mom had told us that she was making egg bake for us. We always had egg bake at church growing up for Easter and I loved it. Again, a pretty easy recipe. Eggs, some bread, cheese, some sausage. Egg bake. Nope. Took my first bite and something was wrong. That's right, you guessed it, it's queso dip. Really mom? Again? I think she bought stock in fucking Tostitos. And it had potatoes in it! Again, I had seconds. I don't know when my Mom lost it in the kitchen. I don't remember the food being this bad as a kid, but of course you don't get to be a 215 lb. 7th grader by being picky about food. All of this food pales in comparison to the Oreo disaster of '06. I think that is when she officially jumped the shark. It was the first time Jess came to Fergus and my Mom planned a special dessert for all of us. My grandma Betty makes this killer Oreo dessert that has taken several years off of the life of anyone that has consumed it. Simple recipe: Oreos crushed, whip cream, dinner mints, Oreo crust. Somehow, and I don't know how, my Mom somehow made these ingredients into a pink, green, and black soup substance that had crystalized into some sort of super sugar. She had to serve it in a bowl. Maybe that's my clue for the future, if it's in a bowl and it's not supposed to be, avoid. Jess tried to eat some and I thought she was going to pass out. It didn't necessarily taste bad, it was just kind of slimey and toxically sweet. I got my bowl down with the help of three glasses of milk only to look over at my brother Andrew happily finishing his bowl, moving on to Jess's, and then going for more. When, not if, Andrew comes down with type 2 diabetes, we'll know the source. The good thing is, I'm pretty sure there wasn't any queso dip in it.
Still no blog from Pat. He has had a rough few weeks to put it mildly. Still no excuse but whatever.
I want to give a special shout out to my bro Mike for voting us the best blog in the Cities for CityPages. Thanks Mike!! You still suck, just not as much.
We are definitely going to try and blog more so keep checking in! I've got a special blog coming for Malcolm that you're not going to want to miss!